Editor’s Note: Camilla Alexandra Telluselle is a Swedish national and self-described "global citizen" who was arrested by HPD for shoplifting from a Honolulu Foodland store August 18, 2011. She had been in Honolulu since 2010 on a student visa and allegedly was not taking sufficient course credits at HPU. After her arrest, she was held pending a deportation hearing at the Federal Detention Center adjacent to Honolulu International Airport. After a year of detention, she was ordered deported to Sweden August 7, 2012. She is in Sweden now and is writing about her experiences at the Honolulu FDC. According to Telluselle, her articles are “based entirely on true facts, experiences and persons.”
GAY AND MERRY?
by Alexandra Telluselle, UnderTheWingsOfFreedom Monday, August 20, 2012
I was raised with Equality as one of the foremost values in terms of accepting and respecting people's different lifestyles, nationalities etc. During the years I have come to get to know quite a few gay people; at least four of my former dance teachers (both American and Swedish) are gay and so is also a former hairdresser and some classmates. I have also had gay women express their interest in me which I thought was a compliment even though I don't reciprocate. They have always been very strong in their opinion that Gay people are born that way and the only stigma they carry is because of the culture and norms we live under in society where it often isn't fully accepted. I was therefore very surprised and weary when I learned from several American inmates, that they had chosen to be gay. Most of them long before they went to prison, although some of them had developed their preferences while incarcerated too.
"Dancing Queen" (She knew Sweden from ABBAs old song.) shared her story when I asked if she ever had sex with a man:
"The first time I was forced to have a d*** in my mouth was when I was seven years old. And when I was twelve I was raped by my uncle while my father watched us drunk. I made a firm decision then and there that I would never allow any man to touch me again and neither a man or woman to enter me again. And I haven't."
I told her that rape isn't the same thing as making love, that not all men are like that. She replied:
"I am not taking the risk. Besides I have a wonderful wife on the outside with her kids that I love as my own. I like working and just being with them. You should have seen how happy they were when they came to visit me in state prison."
(Half of the inmates at the federal prison are state bodies, ie FDC rents out space to state who pays triple the cost making it a nice income to the feds.) I asked her what she was in for and she said:
"It is beyond sick. I obviously never filed any charges myself when I grew up because no one listened. Now I have been accused of raping a minor five years ago. I was 20 years old and kissed a 17 year old girl. We were both just experimenting and it wasn't even a french kiss! Nevertheless her mother saw us and filed charges, appalled by her daughter and my lifestyle."
Another example was "Butchy" from Los Angeles. She looks like a man, even with her long hair because of her broad shoulders and overall body language and disposition. She too is a state body and is serving an open life term, eligible for parole in 2032. "Butchy" can be quite intimidating and knows everything about prison life after serving ten years and now being 37 years old. I was just amazed to get to know her simply because of my curiosity. She was working very hard to improve herself and shared this, encouraging me to write my book and overall "fight the system", giving voice to those who can't themselves:
"My Dad has molested me as long as I remember. I ran away from home when I was sixteen but before that I made a promise to my younger brother that I would kill my Dad to protect him. But my Dad died before I even tried while I was out running the streets and doing drugs. So, I am walking around with all this anger that I don't know what to do with and no one wants to help me. This time when I stabbed that old man to get a few bucks, I wanted to get caught. I walked in with a bloody shirt into a hotel and just waited for someone to call the cops."
I asked when she cried the last time and she said she doesn't know how to. But she has been able to form relationships with women instead and she had a girlfriend who lived in the cell next to mine. Her girlfriend was released and they kept in contact. One day Butchy and I sat talking in the rec area when she looked at me seriously while discussing her relationship with me and said:
"Can I ask you something? How do you know when you are in love?"
And she said it like a little child who had never before experienced this feeling.
Related: Psychologists dump 'Gay Gene' theory